Building an insanity defense - and my painter is total horsesh*t

My sister Colleen and I painted the better part of the downstairs in a day, a really long day that ended with a bottle of wine and paint splatters I'm still trying to chip off the kitchen floor. Unlike most projects I ask Colleen for "help" with, I actually did a full 5o percent of the labor on this one, and didn't fake like it was too hard so she'd get frustrated and do it all herself. And for the record, that usually works, so it was pretty tempting.

I'm happy with the color, Oyster by Behr, like a paint name means anything to anyone. I'm also happy with my current nail polish color, Hoodoo Voodoo?! by OPI which is equally meaningful to you, I'm sure. But I digress.

So, having a full understanding of the amount of work entailed in painting the rest of the house, I called in a professional for an estimate. Things were going well until he eyed the aluminum foil lining the dining room floor. When he asked what is was for, I told him it was to keep the government from listening to my thoughts. So, the painter estimated $2,400 just to do the walls, which is total horsesh*t, but I'm not gonna hold it against him. He couldn't get out of here fast enough, and he probably wanted to make sure he never had to come back.

For the record, the foil is really to keep the cat from peeing in the dining room. Bet you want to come to dinner at my house now, don't you? On the upside, I'm off to a great start building an insanity defense, and that makes me very, very happy because at the rate the horsesh*t is piling up in my life right now, I just might need it.

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