It's true what they say-- that when you aren't looking for love, it finds you. And my friends, I am in love. That's right. I've been turned upside down, knocked off my feet and spanked on the ass by love-sweet-love.
The object of my affections? Manuel Canovas' Misia in multicolore, a fabric so breathtakingly beautiful that I want to mate it with a side chair in my living room and spawn more throw pillows than Nadya Suleman has children that she has to make fetish porn to feed.
But alas, it is an unrequited love. At $400 a yard, it does not love me back. And even if I had $1,600 to buy the four yards necessary for chair-mating purposes, and I assure you, I do not, I don't think I could go through with it. Not while Nadya Suleman's children are going hungry, anyway. As my cousin Mikey would say, "Jesus would slap the shit out of me." (But what does he know? He's a 25 year old man named Mikey.)
So for now, I will continue to stalk it. I'll obsessively check eBay for remnants. I'll laciviously peer through cyber-windows at the homes of tasteful rich people who can afford $400 a yard fabric. I'll privately nurse a growing resentment that will grow larger and more unmanageable than Nadya Suleman's breasts did when nursing her octo-brood.
And in my haste to save photos found on other blogs to my secret stash, I will forget to properly credit the images, but I will re-post them anyway.
Because this is a love so big that it cannot be contained.
Not even by Nadya Suleman's uterus.